Friday, July 27, 2012

Cinnamon Buns and Floor Spaghetti.

D and Bugs have only been gone a few hours at this point, and it already looks like a platoon bivouacked in my living room.

The girls look like they haven't been bathed in months (in reality one had a bath last night, and one this morning). Monster is sitting on the far side of the room, shouting "Don't" and Brat has found some spaghetti in the fridge and is eating it cold.

Seriously, having a bum hip sucks.

To make myself feel better, I am going to make cinnamon buns tonight

And THERE IT IS. Right there. As I was typing about cinnamon buns, Brat decided she didn't like cold spaghetti and sauce after all, and proceeded to microwave it. For two minutes. Then she tried to pick it up, stumbled because she's a klutz, and slopped hot noodles and sauce all over the floor and the baby.

By the time I grabbed my crutches (or crotches as Brat calls them), and hobbled across the room to assess the damage, both Brat and Monster were eating noodles off the floor and each other. Brat was crying- because she wasn't getting all the noodles as the baby is sneaky fast.

So, I only have to survive TWO MORE DAYS like this. Unable to walk freely, carry anything or stand for long periods of time. Awesome to the power of time cubed.

I know it's only 6:30, but I am either selling them on Kijiji, or leaving them at a fire station while I go drink beer. Putting them to bed early sounds like it might be a better solution.


EDIT: Now that the day is done and the girls are both back into their beds (where I truly wish they'd stay for the next two days), I can do what I intended to do in the first place, I can post my recipe for cinnamon buns. Read through the entire recipe before starting, because my brain feels all fucky and most likely this won't come out in order.  Consider it like a bit of a jigsaw puzzle recipe, it'll make you smarter to have to figure it out on your own.

4 cups AP flour
1 cup milk
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup butter (melted)
2 pkgs of instant yeast (or 4.5 tsps if you are using loose yeast)
1 egg

1. Take 2 cups of the flour, and all the other dry goods and mix them up (save the other two cups of flour for later).

2. Warm the milk, beat in the egg and the melted butter, stir into the dry goods, it will form a very soft dough.

3. Add the last two cups of flour and knead for about 5 minutes, or until the dough is very smooth and stretchified. Let rise until doubled.

4. Roll out into a large rectangle, 1/4 inch thick. Cover with the filling and raisins (if you like raisins). Roll into a log and pinch the seam shut. Slice into 1.5 " slices and place in the prepared pan or tray. Allow enough space for the buns to double in size during another rising session (about an hour and a half).

1/3 cup soft butter (not melted, just softened)
1 cup brown sugar
2-3 tablespoons of cinnamon

1. Mix them up. Spread over the dough.

Cinnamon Sugar Caramel:
1 cup brown sugar, packed 
1/2 cup butter 
1/4 cup corn syrup
1 tsp cinnamon

1. Melt the butter, add sugar, syrup and cinnamon. Spread in the bottom of the baking pan before placing slices of cinnamon roll into it.

Bake the rolls at 350 F for 40- 50 minutes or until golden on top. Invert immediately after removing from oven onto a large rectangle of parchment paper or waxed paper.

If you leave these fucking things sitting in the pan, the caramel hardens and you have to chisel the shit out of it to even get a half of one out. Experience speaking.

 That pissed me off more than the day I opened a box of ice cream from the deep freezer, only to find a bunch of beans had been poured in, frozen and a note left on top that said, "Aw, beans." Which seriously pissed me off. Bad. I'm still angry about it.


  1. you made me smile.

  2. I'm just glad the girls and I survived the weekend... And looking back, it's even funnier. At the time hearing Brat shouting "Momma get your crotches and come here quick!" just caused me to panic- now, it's hilarious.


Feel free to share comments. If I find your comment offensive- which is pretty hard since I am *almost* unoffendable- I won't publish it.