Wednesday, September 5, 2012

OAR #40 Reason For Choosing Open Adoption

There is a new prompt up from Open Adoption Bloggers

What were your reasons for choosing open adoption? 

 Where do I start?

Well, I start by saying there wasn't any other choice for me.

He has known his birth mother, and her family, since the day he was born. Because they are his family.

He has known my family since he was 2, because they are also his family.

What else do I say about that?

He's got the best of both worlds. He got a family that loves him mercilessly and without restriction from both of us.

But; if I were to choose 1 reason- and only 1 reason- that we initially went with an open adoption, and if I'm completely honest, and ruthless with myself- it's not because I knew how good this would be for him, for us, or for C.

It's because our lawyer, John Ramsey Esq., told us that was the best possible thing to do for our child- then despite D and I trying to convince him to have her declared unfit- our lawyer told us to shut up and listen.

That's right. A lawyer told us to. D and I, at that particular time, we still so young, 22 years old. And we were both still wrapped up in our fury, our anger, our disappointment and our hate for what C had done- not just to Bugs, but to US.

Because it's hard being a young parent. It's fucking hard. And it's even harder when you feel like you weren't given a choice- but responsibility says you HAVE to put a child first. And there isn't any money, or time, or a babysitter for you to be just a 22 year old. You have to be a parent first.

And at that time, we were so furious with her for leaving us holding ALL the responsibility. All the duty of care. All the cost. All the blame from her side of the family. And above all, the fear. That was the worst. The fear, every second of every day that you wouldn't be able to do what was best- that we wouldn't be doing the 'right' thing with our parenting choices.

And so, that's my shame. The years of anger and resentment. But to my credit (and I will take sole credit, because D wanted several times to wash our hands of it all), I insisted on working towards being more open, to having MORE contact, and BETTER contact.

 It was a long road for me to work through, getting through all my own anger and resentment, about how MY life had been changed, to what was best for my little boy. To get to a point where I can accept that she was just as scared, just as young as we were. To get through all of those painful, negative emotions and now just celebrate this awesome chance I was given.

The chance to have the single most awesome son on the planet. To have a large, extremely devoted family (on both sides), and be able to say, "I'm his mom. Yes, so is she. And we love him very much."

So, that's what made me choose open adoption. A lawyer who was, Thank God, so very much smarter than THIS 22 year old girl.

Monday, September 3, 2012

no carbs equals no will to live....

so, its been two whole days and one morning with no carbs. im dying. i lack even the will or ability to use proper grammar, punctuation or sentence structure. i hate this.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Tami Hoag Ripoff....

Got to go out tonight!

WITH my husband. WITHOUT my children. Didn't need a 'babysitter'...

That's right, you guessed it. Bugs is finally old enough to be left alone with his sisters.

So, once the girls were tucked up into bed, D and I left to go to the movies.


We went to see "Premium Rush"- now, when I first saw this trailer it brought to mind a Tami Hoag novel that I read about six years ago, called "Kill The Messenger"...

Now that I've seen the movie, it's apparent to me that the writers of this summers' newest blockbuster are also Tami Hoag fans.

I mean, really? Seriously this is what you got? Her book was better. Even the name of the older Chinese lady is the same (Madame Chen and Sister Chen). One was a 'good guy' and the other a 'bad guy/ snakehead' but still, so close. There's no younger brother in the movie, but there is a little boy. There isn't a 'good cop' coming to believe in the hero, but there's a dirty one who gets his ass handed to him by a bunch of bike messengers in Chinatown.

Overall, I really enjoyed the movie. It was fun, entertaining, and since I really like that 3rd Rock From The Sun kid, a good time. But Hoag's book was so much better.

On another front: I started the 'Low Carb Diet' with some of the women I work with. I'm already angry and mean. I'm not hungry, I'm just pissy because I want cookies. And unfortunately for me, there are carbs in cookies.

Before D and I got married, I lost 30 lbs in just over 4 weeks. It stayed off until I got pregnant with Brat. I'm looking to hit that same record. I won't, but I'll try. When I lost all that weight before, I was walking/ working constantly and burned calories faster than I could eat anyways.

Not so these days. But I'll try. I'll also keep you all posted on how I'm coming along. Encouragement appreciated.