Monday, April 9, 2012

Things My Momma Taught Me.

I found an old email- and I modified it to better reflect my own experience. This is a list of why I have the All Time Best Momma ever.

1. My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished vacuuming."

2. My mother taught me Religion: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about time travel: "If you don't straighten up and fly right, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me logic: "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me more logic: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me irony: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis:   "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

8. My mother taught me about stamina:   "You might be able to run fast; but I can run for a long time..."

9. My mother taught me about weather: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

10. My mother taught me about hypocrisy "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

11. My mother taught me the circle of life: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

12. My mother taught me about anticipation: "Just wait until we get home."

13. My mother taught me ESP: "Don't think I don't know you're making a face right now."

14. My mother taught me humour: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

15. My mother taught me wisdom: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

16. My mother taught me about justice: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

 And my all time favourite which taught me everything I need to know about parenting:  "Keep it up. And I will rip off your arm at the elbow and beat you with the wet end."

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