I found an old email- and I modified it to better reflect my own experience. This is a list of why I have the All Time Best Momma ever.
1. My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished vacuuming."
2. My mother taught me Religion: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about time travel: "If you don't straighten up and fly right, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me logic: "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me more logic: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me irony: "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about the science of osmosis: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
8. My mother taught me about stamina: "You might be able to run fast; but I can run for a long time..."
9. My mother taught me about weather: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
10. My mother taught me about hypocrisy "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
11. My mother taught me the circle of life: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
12. My mother taught me about anticipation: "Just wait until we get home."
13. My mother taught me ESP: "Don't think I don't know you're making a face right now."
14. My mother taught me humour: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
15. My mother taught me wisdom: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
16. My mother taught me about justice: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
And my all time favourite which taught me everything I need to know about parenting: "Keep it up. And I will rip off your arm at the elbow and beat you with the wet end."