Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I want a Humvee that runs on cow farts.

Winnipeg weather is bullshit. Global warming is awesome.

Yeah, I said it.

One week ago, we were hovering in the 7-10 degrees C. It was warm, sunny, pleasant. YAY! For global warming! We didn't need jackets- let alone mitts, hats, scarves, neckwarmers, snow pants and boots. Then five days ago, it snapped. We lost 25 degrees overnight. Going from +5 to -20 (plus a windchill of -28). It sucked. Hard.

Normally, winter doesn't make me a raging lunatic. Normally, winter doesn't show up in 8 hours either. Normally, I have several weeks to acclimatize to the shift in temperature.

I didn't get any time at all this year. And yes, I know it's the middle of January, and I *SHOULD* have seen it coming. Well, I didn't and that's global warming's present to me. I coasted through a brownish-grey Christmas season, in which I enjoyed being able to take the baby outside.

Now, I can barely leave the house. Because babies aren't supposed to wear snowsuits in their car seats anymore (safety reasons I believe), Monster is in a fleecy PJ looking thing. And I don't feel good about taking her outside when it's -40 degrees with windchill. Even if we're just running to the van, I don't like how cold her hands, face and feet feel when I take her out again.

ASIDE: Personally, I don't remember very many instances of babies being flung out of their car seats because of their snow suits- but maybe that's because I didn't know babies actually existed until I had them for myself. 

I also don't remember winter waiting until mid-January to show up with a vengeance. I mentioned this to a friend, who calmly told me, "That's the effect of Global Warming. It's only going to get more dramatic from here on in." OH NO. I mean, I've heard about global warming. I probably even watched part of Al Gore's movie (I think I fell asleep- but definitely not because it was boring. I fall asleep during all movies I don't give a sh*t about).

But this might be the first time I've given global warming any thought at all. I knew the Polar bears are losing their homes- but I figured they'd be alright- someone else will deal with them. I knew that the ozone was depleted- people are always going ON AND ON about wearing sunscreen for just that reason. I knew that the ice floes were melting- I saw a power point presentation of the pictures- well, part of a ppp- I got bored and went back to Facebook.

I never thought that I'd be able to wear a tee shirt to the store in Winnipeg in January. And now that I have, I don't want to go back to being bundled up like a Inuit woman in a snowstorm.

So, if Global warming is the cause of an unnaturally warm November, December and (first half of) January- then I'm in. Whatever causes it- fossil fuels, deforestation, industrial manufacturing or cow farts- I intend to be the front runner in the war on Ozone and breathable air. I'm going to get myself a wooden Humvee with an all plastic interior, running on methane- and I'm going to drive it twenty feet to get milk. Three times a day from now on.



Treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor; flippant.

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