Monday, December 12, 2011

Underpants anyone?

I'm a big fan of direct speech, and being honest with people. That being said, I found myself plotting a small amount of vindictiveness against my husband yesterday. A small amount of passive aggressive vindictiveness to be exact.

I was irritated by his grouchy behaviour. I know he was tired. I know he works nights, and frequently has a hard time being awake during the day. I get it. And usually I'm the first person to send him to bed when he's tired (he turns into a ridiculous, whiny, snotty baby when he's tired). But yesterday was Bugs' confirmation, so D had to be awake, and gracious, and courteous; but, he was making faces and acting like a child about having to go to Church (Thankfully, he wasn't whining while we were there, just while we were dressing).

So I hid his favourite underpants.

The way he fixates on his underwear borders on weirdo behaviour.

"They're so soft... They've got just the right amount of stretch.... They are just the right size.." And on and on.

So, since I didn't like his attitude, when he went to shower, I 'mislaid' his favourite pair of underwear. He had to wear a pair of his "second string" underpants. HA!

At the time when I did this, I wasn't REALLY angry about anything, more disgruntled. But I'll tell you, it made my WHOLE day better. Knowing he wasn't wearing the underpants he would have chosen- well, it just made me feel happy to be small and petty, especially since he didn't know I'd done anything at all.

And for my bad behaviour? I got rewarded. D decided that the reason he couldn't find his underwear is the ever growing, never ending, slowly taking over the universe, pile of laundry.

So he used his night off and did the laundry. He packed it all up, drove to an all night laundry mat and washed, dried and folded all the clothes. He even took the blankets off the couch and the kids' jackets.

I mean WOW. Well done.

Now though, I feel like a super ass. Not because I did it, I'll probably end up doing the same thing again next time he makes me grouchy. But I feel like an asshat because I didn't think of this sooner. If I hid all of his favourite things, he'd have to do laundry more frequently if he wanted to have clean clothes.

I have spent YEARS, and I actually mean YEARS, begging D to help me with the laundry, to clean up more frequently, to do the dishes once in a while. It truly grinds my crank that after all this time, all I had to do was hide his clothes.

The end result is that I've learned that being honest, upfront, talking through your feelings and trying to be selfless isn't as rewarding as being passive aggressive and hiding underpants. THAT is what gets the laundry done. And eff him for making me do it.


  1. Jane RedpathDecember 13, 2011

    I hope that D doesn't read your blog otherwise the "Jig" is up for your future antics. You're just too funny, Sarah!

  2. Don't worry, he knows I do things like this. He just is never sure WHEN I've done something.

  3. Hi! I found this site through productionnotreproduction, and I've been nosing around. When I got to this post, I literally laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. "Just the right amount of stretch" almost killed me. My hubby does the exact same thing over his underwear. Hope this works, because I'm going to give it a shot next time I get grumpy! Thanks again, and keep righting!


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