Caramel Apple Pie

 Caramel Apple Pie

I made this tonight and thought I'd share the post here.

Ingredients:

2 pie crusts (if you make them great, if not, store bought work just fine) I have a recipe for crusts if anyone wants it, I can post it here too.

Filling:
8-10 ripe, peeled, cored and sliced apples.
Approx- 1 cup brown sugar (more if you like super sweet)
3 tbsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
3 tbsp cornstarch

Just a quick warning, I don't measure. I've been doing it free hand, so I'm giving ROUGH amounts. If it seems like too much for your taste, then adjust it. You can also add cloves or ginger if it's Christmas and have a seasonal taste (careful with cloves, they have analgesic properties and can numb your mouth if you use too much).


1. After I peel, core and slice my apples (I slice the 'long' way, rather than the 'round' way), I put them in a colander (strainer) propped over a large pot. I toss the sugar and the cinnamon in with the apple slices. Then I wait.

2. Letting the apples rest before you put them into the crust lets some of the excess water/ juice drain out, and helps keep the apples firm-ish and the pie non-sloppy. It also deflates the apples a bit, so the crust doesn't 'fall in' and become hollow after you bake it.

3.  Do #4 first if you are using a pie cone. If you aren't, the continue here. After about an hour (if you forget about them- it's fine- for some reason, they don't get the yucky brown old apple look), simply take the drained, seasoned apples and layer them into the crust. I like to alternate the direction of the layers. I find keeping space between the apples makes them cook more evenly.

4. I wish I had a pie cone. They look so cool. I don't have one, so if I think the apples are still going to be really juicy, I make one out of tin foil (it keeps the steam rising out of the pie, so your top doesn't bubble). A pie cone looks like a cone. With a space (like a volcano mouth) from top to bottom, I wrap the tin foil around my finger and squeeze one side in more than the other side. The reason #3 and #4 are out of order is me. I'm having a mental lapse.

5. Now, once the apples are happily layered in the crust, I take the pot of leftover juice, sugar and cinnamon, and put it on the stove with the cornstarch. Medium high heat until it starts to bubble, at which point remove it from the heat, whisk vigorously and return to heat. Continue doing that (whisking/ heating) until the juice is a dark caramel colour and thickness. Let it cool a minute or so, then spoon it gently over the apples. If you added more sugar, you'll have a more caramel-ified taste than you will with just a smidge of sugar.

6. Top crust the pie, and trim and flute the edges (I'm not very good at that bit). Cut several steam escape holes (or if you pie coned it you probably don't have to bother). Then brush it with milk, or egg wash, or even butter and sprinkle a bit of sugar on the top. The sugar crystallizes and gets crispy and delicious when it's baked.

7. Throw the pie in at 400 F, for about 45- 60 minutes. Check every 15 minutes to make sure your crust isn't browning too much, and if it is, tent it with foil. If it's just the OUTER edge of the crust turning too brown, take a large square of foil, and cut a circle in it (a circle smaller than the brown part of the crust). Then, just lay that foil circle over the pie to keep the edge from browning more.

8. LET IT COOL DOWN COMPLETELY. At room temperature. Don't put it in the fridge. That won't work the way you hope it might.

My Father Eats Smurfs.

I always knew I was different.

Now I know WHY.

I'm different because my biological father is a cartoon character. I've narrowed it down to a selection of two...

The first is Mr. Burns from "The Simpsons". The bald, skinny, liver spotted stooped shouldered multi millionaire- he might be my father.

I don't think he is though. I mean, I'm SURE my mother could do better than an old man.

That leaves Gargamel. The skinny, stoop shouldered, balding evil genius who wants to eat the Smurfs.

I'm pretty sure he's my father.

I wouldn't have put it together if I hadn't had a sick kid home from school today.

Because when the Smurfs was released, I was disgusted. I mean, live action and CGI animation ruining one of my favourite all time cartoons? No thanks. I let the kids watch it without me once a while back.

But today, with Brat home sick from school, I had to keep her occupied while I kept the baby from destroying the entire living room. So, I rented "The Smurfs"... I wasn't PLANNING on watching it, I have about thirty odd other things I should be doing but, as it started, and I got the kids settled, I glanced up.

And I started laughing. Because until today, I'd never pictured Gargamel clearly as a 'person' vs a cartoon person.

But it explains so very, very much about what's wrong with me.

And now I know what Gargamel would look like if he were a real person. He'd look like Da.

Attachment parenting? Not today buddy.

I let Monster "Cry It Out". My mother let me cry it out sometimes (and yes, I love her very, very much).  I let Brat CIO too. She still loves me too.

Guess I'm not much of an 'attachment parenting' type of person at 3 am.

Not that I don't believe it's beneficial. I can see some of the benefits to a young child. But I have to stop and wonder about what those children will be like as adults- always getting their way, never having to do anything for themselves. I mean, some of my adult acquaintances (who grew up with "Helicopter/ attachment parenting/ hippie moms") and I don't think that they are very good people. Yeah, I said it. They're selfish, they're spoiled, they're generally unpleasant.  Anyways, that's wasn't going to be my post today.

Here it is. WANT vs. NEED.

 I believe children SHOULD bond with their parents, SHOULD be loved, SHOULD be secure in their world, SHOULD be safe, and SHOULD be fed and clothed.

That's all I believe a child SHOULD have.

Those are some fundamental needs. But there is a BIG difference to me between 'want' and 'need'.

Monster loves to wake up at 2 am and scream her fat little head off. She's not hungry, because I've tried numerous times to nurse her. She's not in pain (she isn't bunching her feet up and straightening again). She just wants to sit up and play. On the one or two occasions where I was desperate for sleep, my husband brought her into the living room, and she promptly stopped crying to play/ watch tv (yeah, she's under 2 and yeah, I let her watch tv sometimes- it lets me get the dishes done, dinner made, laundry clean, vacuum the living room etc). So, she's only crying because she doesn't want to sleep anymore, she'd rather play.

That isn't happening. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I will not ever let a child dictate to me when they get to sleep or be awake. Children are not mature enough to know when to sleep. Don't believe me? Try to put a 2 year old to sleep an hour later than usual, and they'll fight you to stay awake longer- which leads to tears, screaming and anger (and not all of them are my own).

Kids SHOULD NOT determine their own schedules. Sorry, I think it's wrong to give a baby that kind of responsibility over themselves. They aren't able to give a qualified opinion on the benefits of sleeping to the body- but then, I wouldn't let a baby vote either.

You might disagree, and maybe if you only have 1 kid, it works for you. If you can sleep during the day when your finally kid crashes. But imagine you have 3 kids. One wants to go to bed early and wake up at 5 am. One wants to go to bed slightly later and sleep until 9 am. And the last one doesn't want to sleep in stretches longer than 3 hours at a time. That means they might sleep from 6pm-9pm and be up until 2, or maybe from 9pm- midnight and be up until 5 am.

So, when should I sleep if I let my kids decide for themselves? I guess, from the 'attachment parenting' prospective, I shouldn't sleep at all. I should let my kids boss me around, choose what they WANT to eat (rather than what they NEED). They should choose when they nap (and so choose when I get a chance to do the rest of the chores). They should choose whether or not I get to be happy. They should be allowed to tell me I can't have personal time, or space because they want me and my attention (notice I said 'want' not 'need').

No bloody wonder PPD is on the rise. Mothers are being asked to put ALL of our needs behind that of a baby/ children. We are being told constantly, by our friend's facebook statuses, garbage like, "I would do anything and everything for my kids! They are my whole heart! I love them! Repost if you agree!"

Well, how insidious is that statement? Of course I love my damned kids. I will never intentionally hurt them. Would I do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for them? No. Going by what that status says, I don't qualify as "loving them".  Bull, followed closely by, Shit.

I believe that if they have to do some things for themselves we'll ALL be healthier emotionally, mentally and physically. That includes falling back asleep in the middle of the night (I don't mean new borns- who are probably expressing an actual need like hunger- I mean toddlers). Or playing quietly by themselves while I work over a hot stove top (rather than being on my back where they could potentially get burned by the heat).

I understand that when we have kids, WE choose to put ourselves on the back burner for a while. But I don't think it should be for ever.  Yes, for a few months, we are subject to the whims of a newborn. But at 11 months, I don't think it's unreasonable for me to say, "Go back to sleep. It is not time to play. If you choose to cry instead of sleep, go for it. I am going back to sleep now."

So, yes, I love my kids with my whole heart. I would give my life to save them, I would TAKE yours to save them. Will I let them decide their own bedtimes? Fuck no.