Lemon Meringue Pie- FOOLPROOF

I made a lemon meringue pie. It's so good that I can't even think anymore. Here are the directions. I assume since you choose to make a pie, that you already know how to make a crust (or you'll buy one pre-made) I don't care either way. It's the filling that makes this pie phenomenal.

Lemon "Curd" Pie Filling (not a true lemon curd):
1 1/2 cup sugar
3/4 - 1 cup lemon juice (I like lots, but the more you use, drop some of the cold water from the recipe, or you'll end up with runny filling)
6-10 tbsp cornstarch
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup cold water
3 egg yolks (lightly beaten)
1 cup BOILING water (I use my kettle)
rind of 2 lemons (I sometimes use more)
2 tbsp butter

1. Start by mixing the sugar, salt, cornstarch (or flour in a pinch, but it's not as good) and the COLD water into a midsized sauce pot. Mix the heck out of it, because the starch makes it glomp up. After the lumps are out, mix in the yolks and then the lemon juice. So good.

2. Add the boiling water all at once, while you whisk the mixture at the same time. Place on a (preheated- ie, glowing) medium-low stove top. Keep stirring, constantly until it thickens. I DO NOT use a whisk here, or touch the bottom of the pot too much, because it starts to brown, and I don't like brown guck in my pie.

3. As soon as it starts to boil, remove from heat, stir in the lemon rind and butter. Pour into the baked AND cooled pie crust. I like to take this opportunity to lick the spoon, ensuring quality before I continue. If it isn't lemony enough, I just zest extra lemon, and add another squirt of juice on top.

Meringue:

6 egg whites.
1/4 tsp cream of tartar- this helps prevent 'weeping' meringue, but isn't necessary
1/2 cup sugar
2 tbsp water
3- 4 tbsp cornstarch- a second stabilizer in the meringue.

1. In a stand mixer (you can do it by hand, but I don't like to), start mixing the whites, get them to the foamy, soft peak stage. Add the cream of tartar and the sugar.

2. In a small pot, mix the water and the cornstarch, heating until it goes clear, and thickens. Take it off the stove, and stir to cool a bit.

3. Once the cornstarch has cooled to your touch (ie, not hot enough to cook the egg whites), slowly pour it into the mixer while whipping the whites to a stiff peak. (You can test your peak by touching the back of your spatula/ spoon to the whites and lifting off. If the white peaks, without drooping down, it's stiff. It will also be shiny when it's done, but if you over whip, don't worry too much).

4. Top your Lemon Curd pie, making sure you touch ALL the crust, the entire way around, this prevents 'shrinking'. Pile the rest of the meringue onto the pie, and 'style' in any way you like.

5. Bake at 350- 375 F for 10-13 minutes, until the meringue is golden and brown.


I will take a picture and post as soon as I find the camera.

P.S. Obviously, I found the camera.

I have that. That too.

There are things that are mainstays in my diaper bag. Obviously, diapers and wipes are the most important. But there are other things in there too. Things you might not consider essential to your day- to- day travels; but I wouldn't be caught leaving the house without them.

I will try to outline the need for some of my choices, others should be reasonably clear. I think everyone should carry a diaper bag. Everyone. Including non- parents. Well, okay, maybe not non parents.

First, I have three different bags. The small one is for short, less than an hour trips. It's got only a couple diapers, a pack of wipes, a small blanket (in case the baby is cold, or I need to nurse discreetly). That's it. There is room for my wallet and keys to be thrown in.

The midsized one (it's actually quite large) is my everyday roaming about bag. It's got everything I need for the baby, the kid and the pre teen. And then some.

I've got: diapers, wipes, a change of clothes for baby, a clean shirt for myself, toys, soothers, blanket (x2), snack bars, "Baby Gourmet" fruit packs, dry baby cereal portions, a sippy cup, two spoons, a small pack of 'surface wipes' (ie, a ziploc I cram Lysol wipes into- for use when I have to put the baby down someplace she might chew).

Now it gets more 'unusual' (I'm pretty sure it only seems unusual to people who don't have children or "anxiety" issues). I also have: socks- one pair for each of us (I've been in situations- repeatedly- where the kids needed new socks), bandaids, polysporin spray, needle and thread, lighter, large candle, tooth brush and paste, floss, gum, at least ten different colours of crayons, small sticker pads (unused and as yet unseen), "feminine crap", pads of paper, children's books, MY book, orajel, tylenol, cough drops, cough pills (adult and kid), antihistamines, kleenex, rubber gloves, plastic ziploc bag with more plastic bags in it, and last, but not least, $20 in cash and $10 in change. I also try to change up which toys are in the bag from week to week, and I check my 'stock' before I go to bed at night, and add anything specific I might need the next day.

Yes, that really is the list of things I need almost every time I leave the house. Really. Including the socks.

My biggest bag is for over night trips. It includes all of the above, PLUS, two extra changes of clothes for baby (for cool and for hot nights), a nasal aspirator, vicks vapor rub, batteries (camera, kid toys), more foods and books.

Okay, so basically it's a huge survival kit. But, that is what parenting is all about. It's not about having the cutest kids (it is a bit about that), or about what brands your kids wear. It's about survival. Pure and simple survival. Making it from today to tomorrow- with a minimum of crying (my crying- I don't care if kids are crying- it's like choking, if they are making noise, they'll live)

Once you've run into a situation where: your pants rip, your child skins a knee (and won't shut up), you're still ten hours from being done your 'quick visit', one kid is acting like a bored schizophrenic, another starts to gag and cough because of allergies, the baby poops ALL over the place- well, you'd be grateful to have my diaper bag with you. I have it ALL covered.

I also carry a card (I made for myself) which says,

"This Card Entitles the Bearer to: FREAK the F*** Out- OR Bribe Children with McDonalds."

Feel free to make yourself a card like that.  It's saved all our asses more than once, reminding me that it's easier to bribe for temporary good behaviour than it is to suck up your pride and apologize to your kids for acting like a head case.

Happy ___ ____!

It's a new year. Again. 2012. I'm still waiting to see if the world crashes to an end. Maybe it did and I just slept through it.

I have lost the ability to enjoy New Years Eve. In fact, I'm pretty sure the last time I had much fun on NYE was in 2000- and there are pictures floating around someplace that substantiate just how much fun I had. I can party. Sort of.

I COULD party. I can't party anymore. Not because of the kids. I'm not so lame that I'll blame my kids for how lame I am. I can't party anymore because I'm not allowed. I don't have the requisite number of friends.

I don't know what happened. When I was 18, I had more friends than I had barrettes (and at that time, I had a really impressive barrette collection). When I turned 21, I still had lots of friends, but I had learned to become slightly more 'selective' about whom I spent my time with. By 25, I had a couple handfuls of friends.

Now, I have three-ish. My oldest friends live 2000 kms away, so I don't count them in my three-ish.

The problem, as I see it, since I'm not super cool anymore, I don't get to have/ go to big parties, which, as everyone under the age of 20 can tell you- THAT is where you meet your newest besties. Well, parties and bars.

I'm just not awesome enough to: spend three or four nights a week barhopping; to meet everyone (well, everyone worth knowing); spend hundreds of dollars on liquor and beer; use facebook to find the people I met at the club and spend the next two hours tagging myself in all the pictures from the night before.

It's probably why I haven't managed to crack 1000 friends yet on facebook. Because I'm too lame.

I don't go drinking. I don't have parties. I don't text (actually, I haven't seen my cell in over a month now- and if I do find it, I'm not sure where I put the charger). I don't spend hours everyday trying to find the most flattering picture of myself, so I can make it my newest profile picture (in fact, I once used a picture of me making "monkey face" as a profile picture, and it's about the most unattractive picture I've ever seen).

Those are some of the reasons I can't have NYE anymore.

The biggest reason though? I got a letter from the "cool" kids about five years back, uninviting me to "New Years Eve" for the rest of my life. I'm not even allowed to SAY, "Happy New Year".

It's federally mandated that I have to be in bed before the ball drops. Fact.

So, instead of HNY, I say, "May you have the longest year of your life. May you have all the things you never knew you wanted. May the people who love you continue to do so."